Thursday, May 26th 2013: Integration

Thursday, May 26th 2013: Integration

Dreams: Had some really good ones last night.  Humanity gathers on the beach at 12am to see a special show. Little do we know the "special show" is an apocalyptic greeting from the aliens that are the other part of us. At midnight, the full moon turns into the bright sun, and images begin to project on the sky. I can't remember what the images are, but we know we are about to see the aliens. Instead of coming down from the sky, the biggest city you can ever imagine, which essentially looks like the biggest castle that you can't even imagine, because its bigger than you could ever wrap your brain around, shoots out of the ocean at a rapid rate. This castle is as big as the earth itself and in my dream I am sickened by its inhuman unearthly vastness and can hardly even look at it. It hurts. It keeps going and going and going up into the sky and I want to vomit. I turn away. Its so beautiful and golden and I can't stand it.
Something about being with a boy at this moment and he is throwing rocks at people. I scold him.
Then its me and Courtney Cox fighting with wet towels in a swamp of alligators. I can't even make that shit up. Oh yes and Andrew and I are fucking on a table and its really hot.

Thoughts: Today is my Grandma's 85th birthday. I will be going to Monterey to spend it with her and my mother. I couldn't go to Mother's Day BBQ with them on Sunday because Jay Tea died and they held his wake on Sunday. It was so bonding for me and Andrew; He's such a sweet gentle person; he couldn't hold back the tears all day. I love a man who's brave enough to cry. I love my Andrew. Jay Tea I'm calling him in to clown around with me and help me achieve my goal of going to the gym every day. Cuz I know he would tease me and tell me I couldn't do it. Ha! Also I saw a music video of stupid L'il Debbie yesterday and I was like fuck I need to get in shape if I want to be in music videos. At least she can do that much for me. I also decided after listening to What's the 411 over and over again by Mary J Blige that I want to take singing lessons. This week I'm having a really hard time at work which is always the case when I'm PMSing. I work for a cult its true. Its the most emotional job I've ever had, because everyone's pissed and cranky all dingdong day. I'm scared to do anything. However, I can make my own schedule and the pay is good. So as long as Andrew fucks this period out of me I'll be fine. I hate to even spend the energy on my work by writing it down in this journal, but I just had to say it. Every week I'm just biding my time til Friday. What a way to waste a life. Thank god for Emissions, I need my friends and family right now. I'm so blessed to have my community; and I'm surrendering to Santa Cruz and it feels liberating.

Meditation: Integration. Meeting of male and female, fire and water. Building strong bridge between opposites of  yourself so that you are one whole person instead of two people operating. This is good for my PMS. Don't make emotional and rash decisions because that normal woman is on the other end of that bridge. Red lunar skywalker: explore, challenge, life force, activation portal.