Thursday, May 2, 2013: Harmony

Dreams:
I dream that I've finally found happiness in Los Angeles. I'm in a comfortable bed looking out the window and I'm full of bliss. I've been partying for a while, and its post-Burning Man. I'm trying to find my way home. I end up at a dive bar where a group of guys greet me, saying they met me the night before at a party. I sit with them to have a beer, but my mind is turning about how to get home and how exhausted I am. My ankle is on fire. I leave to call Andrew and when I come back in I have to move through a group of celebrities who all take notice of me too. They aren't the only ones looking fly, and I am haggard. When I come back all the guys are gone, and they have taken my purse with them into this building with a line of people going around it. I go to the head of the line and open the door with some protests, but I say I am just getting my purse. Upon entering, the room is pitch black and I can't see anything. I reach out my hand to feel around for anything substantial, and another hand grabs me, and leads me into the darkness. I black out. Upon waking I see that I've been in a bed resting, and much time has gone by. I have eaten some food. I am restored. There are wolves printed on everything. There is merchandise for sale with the wolves and a dark woman who looks like Betty Page or that Emily character at Hot Topic. Been meditating on wolves.
Another part of my dream I am working in a sea village on a dock. The people there are complaining about how slow it is, how no tourists ever visit, when I see a huge wave coming. One to run away from. Oh goody, another one of my infamous tidal wave dreams that I have so often. We run, we are jumping through buildings and running up stairs, unlocking doors and climbing out windows. I finally arrive on a top story floor window and brace myself for impact, looking down at all the tiny people but knowing that I'm at an advantage because I'm at the top of the building where the wave will carry me and I won't be crushed by the weight of the water or a toppled structure. It hits and I am carried...
Another dream where I witness the forbidden love of an older wise man and a mature beautiful woman. Strange.

Thoughts:
I woke up this morning exhausted but grateful, not my usual feeling of blah that has had its grasps on me recently. My ankle is radiating heat so I'm not surprised I dreamed about it last night: I had a show last night at Motiv in SC with Christian Martin aka Leroy Peppers, the more shows I play the more I must surrender to the onslaught of strangers, which is something that challenges my social anxiety and struggle to go out into the world so often. As I mature, I am wanting to go out less and less, though I've made my career going out, which I attribute to the whimsical fantasies of my 20s, though now I feel like staying home and working on things. I just feel like working in general. I admire people I see who go out just to go out, who are performers themselves, to just groove to the music and catch a fire. I feel good about surrendering to my work as a personal assistant, to my role here in Santa Cruz as a girlfriend and social butterfly, and my new role as somebody who values their health above all else.

Meditation:
Harmony - Find simplicity within your heart.