Hello Old Friend

Hello Old Blog
Last night I had more dreams of awful things, satanic clowns drop punting tiny demons high above the massive and ominous Las Vegas style churches each with their own gaudy fountains. The tiny demons would shoot into the air and the clowns would catch them as a spectacle for the crowd.
I decided that instead of continuing to write my dreams in my journal where nobody can read them, I would share with the world my strangeness, and relate them to my career, and my life, if anyone gives a shit.
Also in my dream was a Harijuku mother performing in a bar with her toddler as a part of the act, me losing things and climbing up and down endless ladders, missing flights home, and accidently passing out with an open robe with my boobs hanging out at a party. Hmmmm. Another logistical dream gone awry as I try to figure out my life.
Lately I've been waking up depressed, looking around my beautiful house and life and all my beautiful things, and wanting to shut my eyes and go back to sleep. I think I'm having performance issues; today I have to do something amazing or I'm a failure, so I'd rather just close my eyes. But as I'm turning into an old lady, and the hair on my chin grows longer, a hair that would get me burned at the stake during the witch trials, I can't sleep in past 10am anymore, even if I'm on some kind of party binge, which is swelling up my face and indenting new wrinkles in unchartered territory on my face.
Anyways I had a fabulous conversation with a random person about loving the darkness, and that all these dreams and feelings relate to my music, as I love rap and dancehall and anything that comes tumbling out the root chakra of life (the VAGINA). This music is about SURVIVAL, sex, money, drugs, which all relate to each other, and this is the music that has always attracted me. All this hippie dippie conscious crap is sheltering people from the rest of the world and though I enjoy it every once in awhile, for them to not accept US is backwards and unloving. SO fuck them.
Right now I'm working on finishing my first music video with Rappin 4 Tay, on a track I composed with Tony VNDMG over lots of beer and whip its, and stripping away elements that were not needed. My piano lessons of yesteryear always help to create melodies when I work on tracks. I have been thinking lately about picking up the piano again.
What else, I just finished Ableton production courses which have left me with a basic understanding, but an insane frustration when I sit down to work on anything, because I can't figure out how to make hardly any of the sounds I want. But I must keep trucking. I have resigned myself to watching a new Youtube video every day on a subject that I struggle with the day before. Last night I tried to put some WOOPS over a KID INK tune that everyone is too stupid to know rules, and couldn't even figure that out,  so here I go.
Tonight I will relentlessly hunt for songs that are cool.
In the middle I will try to go to yoga so that one day maybe I'll have the body I want, free of beer guts and limber. It helps that I've been diagnosed with a condition upon which I can't drink, but will anyways with some friends at dinner. Fuck my life I want to go back to sleep or have a baby or make an album or jump off a cliff.